Don’t know where we’re going, but we’ll know when we get there

Last night my husband was cleaning out his contacts in his phone. He came across our RE’s number and said, “Well, I guess I can take him out of my phone now.”

This startling truth and a moment of letting go for him. That chapter is closed.

I haven’t been able to remove his number from my phone yet. Keeping his number is like keeping my tax records for 7 years. Maybe I’ll need it for historical purposes?

At the end of October, I decided to get rid of all of the medications I needed for the attempted cycles. So much was unopened. My husband and I differed on how to get rid of it. I wanted to try to sell it in some sort of infertility underground that I was unaware of but sure it existed. He (like a good rule follower) did not approve. Not that I always take his word as the end-all-be-all, but we were in this together and if I didn’t have his support, that was enough for me. Plus, I thought it would be easier to just donate it to a clinic, or back to my doctor’s office, or even drop it off at the police station (since there were sharps — unopened — that were included). None of that proved easy and actually tore open the wound of feeling like I wasn’t getting the help I needed and that even the simplest thing presented a struggle.

Box of meds to get rid of
Box of unused meds, sharps and more that I no longer needed — but found extremely difficult to get rid of (not just emotionally but LITERALLY) …. (my cat didn’t mind I use his perch 😉 )

There’s a problem today with how these unused supplies from women who went through infertility treatments and are left with excess. This would be a great organization for someone to start — the safe disposal and redistribution of supplies for fertility treatments. There’s so much money put into the process and no easy way to get that back, let alone even get the supplies out of the house!

Eventually, I gave my unopened sharps to a neighbor’s daughter who volunteers at a marine life clinic who accepted the extra unopened needles and syringes. I gave my extra meds to my friend who’s a police officer who could get rid of them through the narcotics unit. In the process I also found one locked box for narcotics disposal outside of a Walgreen’s pharmacy.

extra fertility meds
We have so much waste in this world, and here was more, just because I couldn’t find a way to redistribute these resources.

There has to be a better way. I would be so happy to give the unopened and not yet at its expiration Menopur to a woman who needs it. I tried clinics, my pharmacy (both the specialty pharm and retail), the police, my doctor, Planned Parenthood … nothing.

There was however another avenue that we didn’t find out about until going to a fertility conference at the beginning of November. I met a woman who is in a single women’s group that focuses on fertility options. They take donations, but only from people they meet and know. I get it. It’s not within the laws. But I can’t help but think that when people are trying to help other people, out of the goodness of their hearts, for the hope to create LIFE — something that for whatever reason is just not coming naturally — isn’t there a better way?

4 thoughts on “Don’t know where we’re going, but we’ll know when we get there

  1. I’m sorry to hear that you are in a state of limbo. If you ever want to talk to someone, I’m here. Since our first IVF ended in miscarriage and I didn’t manage to make any good eggs or extra embryos, we have had to start seriously considering what is next for us. We are hoping to do IVF once more, but we are in massive debt from the first round, so who knows if that will happen. We did start looking into becoming foster parents, and that prospect has gotten me excited, which is probably a good sign. Anyway, I don’t know what you are going through, but I identify with the feeling of not knowing where you are going. I’m around if you ever need an ear.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Your kindness has stuck with me. Even though I post so infrequently, you never fail to comment and react to my posts. You feel like a kindred spirit, and I’m so glad we were able to connect because of our circumstances. I would never wish infertility in anyone, but the infertility community is the best group of people I have ever known. 🙂


      2. I totally agree Sam! You too feel like a kindred spirit 😊 and absolutely this community is amazing. It is HARD sometimes to dip into it regardless — it’s like knowing there are some deep emotions and just not sure I want to “go there.” I’ve done so much self growth and healing work bringing me to what I thought was always a positive outlook but when I write about my surprise experience with infertility I realize how much more growing and healing I need. The comfort of likeminded people is priceless. 💖 it would be fun to chat offline some time!

        Liked by 1 person

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