Today I got up at 6am and fed our cats, went back to bed and contemplated going to the beach. Instead I fell asleep, which felt great.
When I got up I did some art work and pulled two really great prints off the printing plate. I also added more to a new painting I’m working on.
J surprised me by coming home super early from work (10:30am) and encouraging me to go out into the world with him. We drove to the shore and found a nice place to eat a late lunch (was 2pm by the time we got there).
We walked around the town a little, parking a quarter mile away from the restaurant, enjoying the setting of one of the oldest towns on the east coast.
We found a beautiful state park close by and did some letterboxing. I always forget how much I dislike walking in the woods sans bugspray when the humidity is like 90%. Sweat dripping everywhere. But there’s nothing like the coolness of the shade in the forest, bird songs cutting through the quiet and an occasional wildlife creature siting. Today, a woodchuck scampering across the lawn, a leaf-colored frog, and, later, a hawk taking flight from his majestic perch in the trees.
We found a tree whose branches arched over in a canopy of umbrella-like protection. We imagined that when you enter into its cavern, you go to another world and emerge back out into yet another time.
The trunk inside was scarred with initials and markings. Whose history was carved in the bark? We didn’t add to it. I held the tree like a good tree hugger would and wished the tree would speak to me.
Today my mind hopped back and forth between anger/despondency and acceptance. I didn’t want to think about kids or pregnancy. It got brought up a couple times and I got snippy. J; “I don’t want to raise our children on a boat in the lake.” Me; “well, we don’t have children so getting a boat won’t impact anyone’s lives but us.”
We speak different languages in expressing emptiness. I’m resentful that he can move forward so quickly.