Here we go…

Well hello there! It has been a long time.

I haven’t wanted to think about infertility let alone write about it or read about it. I needed distance and space. And I need ME back.

I was in such a bad place after surgery and why wouldn’t I be? I gave myself space and time. Then, in early May I saw my RE and we made a plan.

But first, more rest and renewal. My hubby and I went on a beautiful trip to Sedona, Arizona at the end of last month and got some renewal in soul and heart. I wouldn’t call it restful (we were really on the go!) but it was fun and inspiring.

Sandstone
Lower Antelope Canyon, Page AZ (this is AMAZING)

Of course AF started when we arrived (cd18!!!). OF COURSE. Why wouldn’t it? My cycles have been so off. Previous month was 44 days. None of my docs seem alarmed. Perhaps my body is readjusting to being down an ovary.

So I started estrogen (which I believe is called an EPP, estrogen priming protocol), because I was pretty set on not wanting to be on the BCPs (they made me so sick last time). And I’ve ordered my MicroDose Lupron and GonalF. Some issues getting the drugs but definitely not as bad as in December. Wayyyy less stress.

I’ve honestly been hoping I’d have conceived without hormone stimulation because I think I actually ovulated this month and we gave it a few tries.

Well, today, hello AF.

Heavy sigh.

Will my lack of enthusiasm prevent this IVF cycle from working? Should I be in a total state of YES? Believe me, there are a lot of uncertainties in alllllll of this journey. But because I can’t a.) freeze time or b.) build a time machine, I have to move forward. And trust. Big big big trust.

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