A reminder to myself

My mom wanted to connect me to a friend of hers who went through IVF and swears by a certain doctor and protocol. I haven’t met this woman but they both wanted us to connect. I haven’t reached out other than by text to say thank you and I’m not ready to talk yet. But I did give her my email address to send me a link to her blog and something else that I can’t remember. But apparently I signed up to receive her unsolicited advice and instruction for how to succeed in IVF (an out of state doctor, making this my FT job, clean eating and weekly acupuncture). I’ve know about the acupuncture and am overwhelmed by the thought of having it be weekly. I have it monthly. I’m eating as clean as  I’m comfortable eating  and am working with a health coach. I can’t see a doctor out of state unless I pay out of pocket (and I haven’t been through enough really with my current doctor). I can’t make this my sole full time job. Someone’s got to bring home the money (I make quite a bit more than my husband does).

But what I realized when asking myself why this email felt so overwhelming from my mom’s friend — I didn’t ask for her advice nor do I need to take it. And how unfortunate that my mom couldn’t “screen” this woman before connecting me and her. Instead, I felt like she was thrust on me for me to deal with. Typical. This is how my family deals with me. They dump their shit in my corner to figure out. I don’t have time for that.

Furthermore, there’s a huge amount of “enoughness” (or lack thereof) already built into fertility treatments. I don’t need to throttle myself with more thoughts of “I’m not doing enough” when something doesn’t feel feasible or realistic.

So, reminder to my future self:

* unsolicited advice is not ok and it’s ok not to respond

* I am enough and I am doing (more than) enough

Also pondering the mindset of this process. I realize I’ve been seeing it as “fertility treatment” instead of “how to get me pregnant.” The pregnant part still seems pretty scary.

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