I woke up from surgery on October 20 and when my mom and hubby came into the room, they were warm and bubbly, happy to see me. And they were wide eyed with the new information gathered from my surgeon. I have stage 4 endometriosis.
When the doctors went in to remove my left Fallopian tube, they found a whole cluster of endometriosis. Mom and my hubs had seen pictures of this cluster-f*&^ inside me, hence their wide eyes.
Mom described what she thought my left tube looked like: a sausage. And I guess that sausage has just hugged itself around my ovary and slung a strand right over to my bowel.
The thought of endometriosis “webs” inside my gut, honestly, freaks me out and grosses me out. I’m picturing horror movies. Actually, now that I think of it, I’m picturing the evil goo monster in Stranger Things.
That image is not helping me. I’d love to come to agreement with the tissue inside. I will learn to accept it. There’s nothing else to do with it anyway. My OBGYN doesn’t see the urgency to remove it.
ACCEPTANCE AND LETTING GO.
That’s what this has been about up until now and I’m pretty sure that’s going to have to be a significant mantra going forward.
I find it very interesting to read what Dr. Christiane Northrup says about endometriosis — that it is a condition that can be related to the competition of a woman’s inner world with her need to function in the outside world. BAM! That hits the nail on the head for me. So much of life do I feel like I have had to do what I thought was expected of me in order to live. As I’ve done more personal growth work, I am learning to embrace and share the deeper parts of me — the artist, the intuitive, the writer: all things that I thought I needed to mold into what someone else would like to see of me, and nothing too weird or different. After all, I’m very imaginative.
So, backing up here …. That doesn’t mean that I caused endometriosis to happen. It’s just an interesting energetic correlation and one to be considered in the healing of my body. It’s about healing the relationship with my body and listening to it, like a trusted friend.
It does amaze me that in this day and age we don’t really know what causes endometriosis.
I’m still pretty shocked I have it.